Running the Race

Hebrews 12:1

"...and we must be determined to run the race that is ahead of us."

I love to run. I love the feeling of my leg muscles stretching into a beautiful stride and steady rhythm.  I love feeling the cool breeze blowing in from Lake Michigan and I love hearing the sounds of white caps lapping against the lighthouse. So with arms pumping and lungs taking in glorious air I took off today with a little over 2,000 runners to "enjoy" a 5K. 

Today's race surprised me. Hundreds of people stood cheering along the route. Some clapped, some rang cow bells, but all stood cheering the weary tired bodies running past to victory. When I came to the first steep incline a spectator yelled, "You can DO this! It's just a hill! You are strong! You have the strength you need! Just focus on the top!" Groups of volunteers eagerly awaited our arrival with water ready so we could continue the run well hydrated. And near the end the cheering became louder. Music blared. I felt so uplifted in the energy given to finish strong.

But my most blessed of moments came when I heard the gentle coaching of a dad or mom with a beginning runner. The words of support and guidance touched my soul. 

"Don't forget to breathe, son."

"This hill looks steep, but remember what I taught you, you can do this."

"I'm right here if you need to stop."

The power of an encouraging word was not lost on me today. With feet pounding the pavement I gave thanks to God for the spiritual similarities to my physical journey. Did the clappers and the bell ringers have any idea of how they helped me to continue with head held high? Did those passing out
water have a clue as to how thankful I was for that cold cup of water at just the right time? Did those
lining the street know how my fears of going off course were conquered? And dear parent, did you know the depth of your symbolic gesture, running a race with your child?

I want to be that encouraging spectator in a large race. I wish to be a part of helping a runner get rid of anything slowing him or her down. Keeping our eyes on Jesus, pointing the way to Him, the Completer of our race. Standing in the gap, so no one runs off course. Never giving up! Just keep
going! The road seems long, the hill impassable. But we must not become discouraged or give up. He runs with us. He's our assurance of strength and purpose!

The finish line approaches, and thanks to a little time keeping chip in my shoe, I'm only aware of my
own personal start and finish. Yours will be different, but finish strong and encourage someone else
along the way! 

Don't Fence Me In (Thanks Roy Rogers)

Psalm 18:19

When I was fenced in, You freed and rescued me because You love me.

I never learned how to truly connect. Busy doing "the work of The Lord," yes. Making people feel good/better/encouraged after being with me? Yes. Not allowing negative emotions when in the presence of others? Yes. Obeying all authority? Yes. Sharing, giving, being kind with family? Yes. Sacrificing? Yes. Performing well? Yes. Yes. Yes. 

All of the above were a huge part of my relational patterns. Meeting all the expectations, traumatizing at times. Truly and authentically connecting with others? Well, never. When you are busy teaching the given lesson, singing the given song, wearing the given attire everything is so "surfacey." Throw into the mix being dragged into unhealthy toxic situation after unhealthy situation, no wonder I never connected.

But my heart desperately wanted to connect. So I tried. I tried in the only way I knew how, becoming or doing whatever I needed in order to attach myself to another's link. Sometimes I thought I could do this by becoming more spiritual. Sometimes I thought I could do this by making myself more attractive,smart, or available to others. I literally had zero boundaries on my time. 

But I couldn't connect, and I spent years trying. It makes me sad to think of all the hours, weeks, months I tried using every strategy I knew how. I was fun, popular, involved, and well rewarded from others tossing links my way - but no connection. Instead of belonging I found myself wrapped in the poisonous linking chains of fear, loneliness and panic. I cried out to God.

And He heard me. The earth shook. The mountains trembled. He came with a key. He unlocked the lock holding the destructive links in place and they fell to the ground. I heard a clicking sound. I looked up to see the source of the sound that I still remember and cherish to this day. It was Him, fastening my uniquely given link to the link of His heart. It was fastened firmly, safe and secure. I had a connecting relationship! One that can never be severed! In the sound of that one click I had a whole, complete, healthy connection! He reached down and lifted me up to satisfy my deepest craving. I now walk in a true relationship free from the traps of ropes, links, and suffocating fences. I am free to love (and connect) as I have been loved.

He Has Done a Beautiful Thing For Me

Matthew 26:10

"Why are you bothering this woman? She has done a beautiful thing for me."

No, my Gentle Shepherd, it is You who has done a beautiful thing for ME. Remember our chat upon  entering "that" city? Do you remember what they looked like - the cesspool of emotions awaiting my return?

You: Go ahead, talk to them.

Me: Really? 

You: Yes. It's OK. Go. Talk.

I can't believe I'm facing them. Feeling His gentle touch on my back, I start weeping. He's telling me it's OK. He's there. I look back into His eyes one more time and take a deep breath. I start talking to them. One by one by one.

"Hello, loneliness, I left you here and I've returned. I need to talk to You. You need to hear my voice. I didn't know how to handle you before. I didn't know how to deal with you. I didn't have words. I have them now. I no longer wish to be enslaved by your presence. I choose to no longer be controlled by your constant threatening cloud. I am safe and secure, NEVER alone. I choose to no longer hide behind your despairing walls, thinking myself a coward. I choose to walk confidently hand in hand with my Saviour. And now to you, loneliness, I say goodbye."

Me: How did I do? 

You: You did great. Keep going. There's more.

So I stood a little taller and faced them. 

"Hello fear, you've been waiting for me a while, even set up camp at the border of the city. "

"Hello nervous anxiety, hello worry, hello panic, hello anger, hello bitterness, hello indecisiveness, hello ill-at-ease, discomfort, heavy hearted one, depression, sadness, cheerlessness, joyless one. Hello moodiness, discouraging one, unhappiness."

"Hello hurt. You were a big one. You crept into a church and caught me by surprise. You broke my heart. I was crushed. I have agonized over what happened with you. I no longer wish to suffer at your hands. The Hands I now hold are caring, restful, healing Hands." 

I pause, breathe, and glance.

You: There are more.

Me: Um, nope. I don't think so, that just about covers it.

You: There are more. Keep looking.

He nudges me forward. I look. It's not clear. It's fuzzy. He hugs me. He holds me. The more securely He hangs on the more I notice my grip has loosened. I'm falling weakly to the ground. He's got me, and it's a good thing. My strength is gone. It's zapped by what I now clearly see around the corner. There they stand, hand in hand as best friends. My body may be weak, but I have not lost my voice. I am so closely held now that I feel the power and steady rhythm of His heart beating.

"Performance, performance, performance. You and your law could be so much fun at times, a blast. Anywhere I went with you brought festivity and animation. You enamored me with all the affirmation I received by following you. You talked me into a few roles I did not want, and you even
cast me for characters in plays that did not match the real, unique me. But I had to perform. The show must go on, right? We didn't want to disappoint anyone. And that's when you introduced me to your sidekick, conditional love. "

"Conditional love, I am so very, very glad that I get to say goodbye to you today. I am pleased to announce that you have officially been replaced. You NEVER satisfied the hole in my soul. You never inspired me. I was not content with you. I was quite uncomfortable. You never inquired about the real me. The real me never fascinated you. You were not concerned about me, you were concerned about my relationship with your BFF, performance. Well, we now have parted ways. Time for me to say the same to you, Goodbye."
I'm standing on my feet. I'm smiling. He's smiling, too!
Me: Thank You, Unconditional Love. You: Now, go in peace.
And today I offer the peace back to Him as an offering of praise!